Facing Myself

WIX AI Generated Image

I woke up early this morning. The house was quiet. Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” chorus kept replaying in my head — which was strange, because I have never taken the time to listen to that song before.

So I grabbed my phone, headphones, and my handy-dandy journal, then lit my favorite lavender candle. As I listened to the words, I imagined myself standing in front of a mirror — facing my own actions, thoughts, and ways.

With only two months left in this year, and 2026 around the corner, I felt deeply thankful. Thankful to God for keeping me alive, for teaching me, and for the growth I have experienced — helping me recognize my immature ways, to let go of the past, and embrace the new journey I am on.

Reflection

Looking back, I realized that I don’t always treat people the way I want to be treated. Not because I am a bad person — it’s just the selfish ways and distractions of the world. Sometimes I point fingers, criticizing how someone treated me without ever stopping to see if I have done the same thing to them.

I thought about an argument I once had with my fiancé when I was confronting him about not showing up for me the way I felt he should have. He paused and reminded me that we’re the same — we just show love and care in different ways. He told me there were times when he felt I hadn’t been there for him either, but he chose to understand, knowing that we both have a lot on our plates.

That moment humbled me. I had to be like the Anita Baker song and “Apologize”! It made me realize how quick I was to confront him without taking a minute to think back if I’d done him the same way. It’s easy to be mad at people when you feel like they’ve done you wrong — and forget all the times they’ve done right by you.

And maybe that’s where the real work begins — learning to release the need to always feel “woe is me,” to stop being selfish when there’s no need to be, and to let go of things that were only meant to teach me.

That realization also showed me something deeper: how often I hold on to things I should have released long ago.

Releasing

Confession — I’m a grudge holder. And I hold on tight, like a cheap man with his money. But I’ve learned that it’s unhealthy for my soul and my spirit.

As I started getting my life right with God and truly learning about His love — His love for me, for us— I realized something: He never holds grudges against us. He forgives, over and over again. He even died for our sins, knowing some of us still might not choose to love Him.

So I decided to let go — to release the grudges I’ve been carrying. I also chose to release my negative thinking. I’m learning to look at things through a more positive lens instead of always harping on the negative.

Take my job, for example. I work a customer service job on the middle shift, and the calls can be nonstop — one after another. But lately, I’ve started to see it differently. That schedule gives me peaceful mornings alone after everyone has left the house — time for me. And even though the calls can be back-to-back, most of them are just transfers to another department, and a plus is I'm not talking to customers anymore.

So now, instead of dreading the day, I’m learning to appreciate the position I have — because it could be worse. Letting go of grudges and negativity has opened my eyes to gratitude, and that’s how I know I’m on the right path.

Realigning

This year, I’ve felt a constant nudge — a quiet but steady pull — to get my life right with God. After I got baptized, I made a promise to wake up every day with gratitude. To thank Him for another chance, another breath, another shot at becoming who He’s calling me to be.

Some days, I’m on it — praying, reading my Bible, watching my words, and walking with purpose. Other days… well, let’s just say it’s not giving Proverbs 31. But even on the messy days, I’m learning that realigning isn’t about perfection — it’s about direction.

“Oh, I’ve been scrolling on social media for 20 minutes — it’s time to read the Bible.”

“Oh, I almost spoke negatively over my life — nope, we speak life over ourselves.”

It’s about catching myself when I drift and choosing to turn back toward Him again. That’s where peace lives. That’s where I’m learning to rest — not in my own strength, but in His grace.

I’m glad I had this opportunity to reflect on my ways this morning. It’s amazing how one song can spark self-improvement. Maybe I’ll listen to this song every month to see where I am on this self-reflection journey.

Because real change begins when we’re willing to look in the mirror — really look — and be honest about what still needs work.

Who knows — maybe next month I’ll focus on lessons learned, healing, and forgiveness. One month, one song, one step closer to the woman God is shaping me to become.

---