If Your Man Thinks He’s the Prize, He’s Probably Feminine… and That’s Okay!

Since the rise of incel rhetoric, red-pill and blue-pill podcasting, and the sudden normalization of men in skirts in pop culture, we have watched the slow but steady emasculation of Black manhood.

Men are throwing down hard hats and briefcases for podcasting equipment, stepping away from leading families to become stay-at-home dads (with no plan for leadership), and trading in loose pants for “man bags.”

Riley from the Boondocks dressing like a "thug"

But let’s be clear: this shift didn’t just happen overnight. What we are seeing is the result of centuries of tampering with Black Masculinity — and a lot of what’s being celebrated as “modern manhood” is actually an adoption of White, Roman-influenced masculinity, which is rooted less in partnership and more in hierarchy, domination, and humiliation.

The Roots of Black Masculinity in the Americas

Historically, Black Masculinity had a core set of values that defined what it meant to be a man:

• Providing and Protecting: Men worked, sometimes multiple jobs, to make sure their families were fed and sheltered.

• Preserving Dignity: There was a time when a man would rather die than let harm come to his wife or children.

• Organizing and Leading: Think of Fred Hampton, Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey — these were men willing to die for revolution and the liberation of their people.

• Forward Thinking: They weren’t just reacting to oppression — they were actively building parallel systems (schools, businesses, farms) to sustain Black life.

But there has always been a distortion of this model, encouraged both from outside forces and from within:

• Abandonment: Fathers leaving households, not protecting their children, or taking multiple wives/partners without consent or care.

• Abuse: Using strength to belittle or harm women rather than build them up.

• Hyper-sexuality: Treating women as conquests rather than partners.

• Over-Feminization: Cross-dressing and rejecting masculine responsibility under the guise of “expression” while leaving leadership roles vacant.

This distortion didn’t happen by accident — it was targeted. From media campaigns to state-sanctioned policies, Black Men have been socially engineered to either be seen as dangerous brutes or harmless clowns. Both extremes weaken the image of Black leadership and create confusion about what healthy masculinity looks like.

Feminine Energy in Pop Culture

Representation matters. When the only images of Black Men in the spotlight are either hyper-violent rappers, “boss babes” in lace fronts, or effeminate fashion icons, it warps how boys see themselves. Our community is starved for diverse images of success.

Femininity posed as Masculinity in Hip Hop, Media, and Entertainment. From L to R: Gunna, Lil Uzi Vert, Billy Porter , Jaden Smith, Young Thug, Lil B The Based God

Men in Skirts & Dresses – “Dress for Success”

Once upon a time, “dressing for success” meant suits, ties, and polished shoes. Now, “style” is being marketed as skirts, blouses, and thigh-high boots. Young Thug famously wore a dress on his album cover — hailed as groundbreaking — but what message does this send to impressionable young men about what it means to stand tall as a leader?

From Being a Baller to a Baddie

We’ve gone from men being the shot-callers and builders to men wanting to be pursued like prom queens. Now they want flowers on Valentine’s Day, “soft life” treatment, and to be spoiled as if they’re the prize. There’s nothing wrong with reciprocity — but when a man stops leading and starts waiting for a woman to court him, the polarity shifts. Partnership is one thing — performative passivity is another.

Shenehneh Jenkins from Martin

Martin as Sheneneh – Comedy as Conditioning

We laughed at Martin’s Sheneneh, but this was one of the first major examples of a Black man putting on a wig and heels for mainstream comedy. What was once a gag has now become the norm.

Painted Nails & “Soft Life” Masculinity

NBA legend Dwyane Wade proudly paints his nails and dons traditionally feminine fits. Playboi Carti and Lil Uzi Vert dress in lace, pearls, and leather skirts, declaring themselves “rockstars.” But when rockstars used to rebel against the system, now they often reinforce it — pushing ambiguity as the new masculinity.

Read about Shaq and Ty Dolla $ign follow suit in Dwyane Wade Shows Off His Perfect Pedicure, With Freshly Painted Red Toes

Pause-Worthy Lyrics – The Sus Moments

Hip-hop has always been raw, but some lyrics make you do a double take:

“Look so good I’ll suck your daddy’s d***” – Biggie

“I got a b**** that’s a man” – 99 Problems by Ice-T

Mac Dre’s infamous jailhouse bar: “I need some c*** hella bad, steady dreaming about wrecking guts…”

Dame Dash put it best on his recent Breakfast Club Interview: “There’s nothing wrong with being gay, but there is something wrong with being gay and pretending to be straight.” This is where manipulation becomes dangerous.

The Good Book says that manipulation is as witchcraft (1 Samuel 15:23) — and witchcraft is about control. What we’re seeing is social engineering, not just style evolution.

The Prize in Nature

In nature, the male is often not “the prize” — he must prove himself worthy of the female.

• Lions: The lioness chooses who gets to mate with her based on strength and dominance. A weak lion gets kicked out of the pride.

• Birds: Many birds do elaborate dances or build intricate nests to win a mate’s approval. The female is the selector, and the male the competitor.

• Spiders: Male spiders can perform elaborate dance rituals to win over the female spiders attraction for mating.

• Gorillas: The silverback earns his spot as leader through combat and protection. If he cannot protect, the females leave him.

When men think they are “the prize,” they forget that a prize is something worth conquering, pursuing, and striving for. If he wants to be the prize, then sis, you must step into the role of the conqueror — which shifts your energy completely.

Women as Conquerors

History is full of women who conquered. The Dahomey warriors of West Africa were a female military unit feared across kingdoms. The mythical Amazonians were fierce defenders of their land. When a woman steps into conqueror energy, she enforces order in her household:

• With Her Husband: She becomes the initiator, the one who makes decisions and takes action first.

• With Her Children: She enforces law, discipline, and order.

This is a heavy mantle to carry — and not every woman wants to live in that role forever.

Shifting Out of Conqueror Energy

If you are tired of being the only initiator in your home, it’s time to gently redirect leadership back to your man:

• Encourage Initiative: Give him room to make decisions, even if it’s small at first.

• Respect His Role: Publicly affirm him when he leads well — words of affirmation go a long way.

• Rebuild Trust: If he has failed before, create small “wins” for him to prove he can handle responsibility.

A healthy relationship is not about competition. It’s about balance — masculine and feminine, prize and pursuer, initiator and responder.

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ABOUT ZHATEYAH

Zhateyah YisraEl is a multi-venture entrepreneur, writer, and creative strategist passionate about reshaping narratives for Black women and amplifying underrepresented voices. As the founder of Z Branding & Business Solutions and visionary behind SISTAH Magazine, she has built an ecosystem that celebrates Black womanhood, cultural pride, and generational wealth.

Zhateyah’s writing focuses on identity, spirituality, empowerment, and economic freedom — weaving together storytelling, history, and practical wisdom to inspire action. 

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