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Matriphagy: When Motherhood Feeds Everyone but You
- Zhateyah YisraEl
- Nov 12
- 4 min read
Healing from the Habit of Giving Until There’s Nothing Left
In the quiet deserts of Namibia, there’s a creature that embodies one of the most haunting metaphors for motherhood: the Velvet Spider. When her babies are born, she feeds them with her body. Bit by bit, they consume her until there’s nothing left but her devotion. It’s called matriphagy—the act of a mother being devoured by her offspring.
Many women live out a softer version of this every day.Not with fangs, but with expectations. Not in the desert, but in their own homes.
They give and give until their sense of self dries up. They love until it hurts—and then they keep loving, because they’ve been taught that’s what good mothers, wives, sisters, and women do.
Yet, love was never meant to consume you.
The Devouring Mother Archetype
In mythology and psychology, the Devouring Mother is not evil—she’s tragic. She is the woman who confuses sacrifice with significance. She believes that being needed means being loved.She builds her worth around being the source of everyone’s survival, and in doing so, forgets how to feed herself.
For centuries, society has glorified her.We’ve praised the strong Black mother who never rests.We’ve idolized the ride-or-die who stays no matter how much it costs her peace.We’ve called her “selfless,” when really, she’s self-erased.
The Devouring Mother archetype is born from cultural trauma—the kind that teaches women that their highest value lies in endurance. That pain is the proof of love. That exhaustion is a badge of honor.
But what if endurance isn’t the goal? What if the real work is existence without depletion?
Reflection Prompt:“Where did I learn that love meant exhaustion?”
The Desert Within
Recognizing the Pattern
You may be living in matriphagy without even realizing it. It looks like always saying yes, even when your body screams no. It feels like resentment you swallow because you’re afraid of seeming ungrateful. It sounds like “I’m fine,” when your soul is quietly gasping for air.
The Desert Mother is the woman whose wells have run dry. She’s still pouring, but nothing’s left.Her devotion is holy, but her depletion is hellish.
Signs You’re in the Spider’s Cycle:
You’re always tired, even after resting.
You feel invisible or unappreciated.
You feel guilty for taking time for yourself.
You struggle to receive help or compliments.
You feel lost without someone to care for.
These are not signs of weakness. They’re signals from your spirit. They’re your web trembling, warning you that you’ve spun too far from your center.
Mini Exercise:Write down three ways you over-give. Next to each, write what you actually needed in those moments. (Affection? Validation? Rest? Help?)
Awareness is the first strand of healing.
The Spider’s Redemption
Feeding Without Dying
The spider mother isn’t a villain; she’s instinctive. She gives her body because that’s how her nature was written. But unlike the spider, we have the power of choice—to honor our instinct without repeating its tragedy.
It’s time to redefine what it means to nurture. Love is not meant to leave you empty.Sacrifice without replenishment is not divine—it’s a distortion.
To heal this archetype, we must learn three sacred practices:
Reciprocity
Love that flows one way becomes poison. Begin to receive as easily as you give. Let people love you back. Let spirit refill you.
Boundaries
Boundaries are not walls; they’re irrigation systems. They decide where your water flows and what remains for your own garden.
Reparenting
Mother yourself as fiercely as you mother others. Feed your inner child before you feed the world.
The Web of Wholeness: Building Balance and Support
Every spider’s web is both delicate and strong—woven with patience, designed with purpose. Healing from the Devouring Mother archetype is about re-weaving your own life the same way.
You don’t have to carry the world alone. Community is the antidote to depletion.
Sisters, we are stronger when we share the labor.When we stop glorifying burnout.When we build webs instead of cages.
Imagine a circle of women where everyone eats, rests, and breathes.Where care is shared and healing is modeled, not martyred.
Healing Work: Exercises for the Over-Giver
The Sacred No: Every week, say no to something small that drains you.Honor the discomfort. It’s your nervous system learning safety in rest.
The Sabbath Ritual: Choose one day a week to do nothing that serves others. This is not laziness—it’s a call to restore yourself.
Journal Prompts:
What do I fear will happen if I stop over-giving?
What kind of mother would I be if I were also my own child?
How does my body tell me when I’ve given too much?
The Medicine of the Spider
The spider doesn’t just feed—she weaves.She creates intricate beauty from within herself.T hat’s her real gift, and it’s ours too.
You were never meant to disappear in your devotion. You were meant to be visible in your vitality.Your children, your loved ones, your community—they don’t need your body. They need your being.
So feed them from your wisdom, not your wounds. From your overflow, not your emptiness. Let the Velvet Spider remain in the desert—and let you, dear sister, return to your garden.
Affirmation:“I am worthy of the same nourishment I give. I am no longer food—I am a source.”
ABOUT ZHATEYAH
Zhateyah YisraEl is a multi-venture entrepreneur, writer, and creative strategist passionate about reshaping narratives for Black women and amplifying underrepresented voices. As the founder of Z Branding & Business Solutions and visionary behind SISTAH Magazine, she has built an ecosystem that celebrates Black womanhood, cultural pride, and generational wealth.
Zhateyah’s writing focuses on identity, spirituality, empowerment, and economic freedom — weaving together storytelling, history, and practical wisdom to inspire action.
Buy my latest book: From Hot to Wholesome
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