Relax, Relate, Release

Does the phrase “Relax, Relate, Release” sound familiar to you? If so, you’re probably a fan of “A Different World” like many or you just probably watched the show as it aired decades ago. However, this 80s baby still watches the show as if it just aired. I usually start with the second season, for obvious reasons.

One of my favorite episodes is when the phenomenal Debbie Allen guest stars as a psychiatrist who is charged with Whitley Gilbert as a patient. Even though the show took place in the 80s and 90s, I must say Whitley’s character in that episode symbolizes what a lot of us millennial women are faced with now. We have to release the life that we thought was going to happen, but hasn’t, or dare I say, won’t. 

During this time, Whitley is madly in love with Dwayne, but she’s faced with a visit from her ex-boyfriend, Julian Day. Julian represents that guy that stands out on paper. He was handsome, intellectual, accomplished, and yet it didn’t quite fit. Whitley rightfully left him behind but much like most exes, he wanted to just pop up at the worst possible time. Whitley loves Dwayne but at this juncture in their relationship, he just couldn’t give her all of the material things and experiences that she desired. Julian represented what she thought her life would be. Dwayne represents the reality. The reality that what you want is not quite there, yet. The sad truth is that our lives are not a sitcom and a man probably won’t be able to give us all of the things that we desire. We’re going to have to think about life differently. 

Relax

We millennials were sold a dream from the same poisonous tree of “The American Dream.” We were told that if we were well-educated and well-behaved, what we wanted would be on the other side of obedience. Now so many us are in our forties, or approaching that age, and that just isn’t the case. One day you wake up and want to wallow in regret like Whitley on that shrink’s couch, but you can’t because you have to work the two jobs needed to survive this economy. Nevertheless, we have to relax. Relax those ideas of the perfect spouse, perfect job, perfect home, and perfect life. Relax those ideas in order to get to the true happiness that we deserve. Relax if you don’t have it all figured out, because even if someone has a great spouse, family, house, and job, I guarantee you that they don’t have it all figured out as well. Maybe your spouse is a friend that you do life with, maybe your home is still that inflated apartment for just a bit longer, and perhaps that job is still a stepping stone to something that’s coming later than you expected. GIve yourself grace and the space to just chill for a bit, life can still get better. 

Relate

After you’ve relaxed, it’s time to relate; relate to your reality and others who are facing the same. Trust me, you’re not in this one alone. You are not. Go out into the world and explore to find your tribe. Say “Hello” to the quiet lady in Pilates class because she’s probably in the same boat as you, why do you think you’re both in the same Pilates class? Go to church and reach out to one of the church’s many groups and find a friend that you can go to the farmer’s market with. Soon you’ll find out that he or she is back in this godforsaken dating pool as well. Try your best to relate to your friends as oppose to competing or pitying them. Come on, admit it, we all have done it from time to time, whether inadvertently or blatantly. Reach out to your older family member who was deemed the “black sheep” and listen to their story on why they don’t fit the family’s norm. You’d be surprised who’s sharing a similar battle as you. Also, think about all of the famous women that we know who are icons but don’t quite fit the mold of what society deems as the norm. There’s Oprah, Mary J. Blige, Tracee Ellis Ross, Ava Duvernay, the list is endless. We can look to those women as symbols of strength and joy. I know that when I see Mary J. Blige and Taraji P. Henson living their best lives on a yacht, I feel empowered. That is definitely going on my vision board. 

Release

 A wise person once said, “When you believe you should keep holding on, it’s probably best to let go.” Let go and let God, literally. Let go of what you thought would be the perfect life and embrace what God has in store for you. Release all of those harsh criticisms that you have of yourself, release that image of your IBM (ideal black male) and consider what God puts in front of you. By no means am I saying that you should settle, because I would rather die; however, what God has in store for you is much greater. I guarantee it. Release everything that didn’t happen the way you planned and embraced the idea that your path may turn out better. 

Realign

The literal definition of realign: to change or restore to a different or former position or state. What that means for your life is that you can still hope for the same outcome of  happiness, you may have to change your approach a bit to achieve it. Instead of thinking it’s a linear path to your road to happiness, the highway may be a bit winding. Your goals don’t have to change but the way that you achieve those goals may not be as simple as you thought. So what you don’t become a wife by the time you’re thirty-five, you may be in a loving and committed relationship by thirty-nine and on the path to matrimony. You may become a mother later or discover that you don’t want to be a mother after all. You may have to pivot your career goals and wind up in a better position at a later time in your life. Isn’t the true goal happiness? Who said it had to have an age limit or any time constraints? Realign your way of thinking to adapt to unexpected changes. Realign and re-adjust as many times as you need to, your future self will thank you. 

The prefix “re” alone means “again.” The idea of “again” symbolizes multiple times to do things multiple ways.

Don’t ever think that your goals in life cannot happen just because you have to revisit and readjust. You are a black woman, we do many things well after we learn what not to do again. You got it honey. 

Namaste.

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ABOUT Ash Authoress (Ashley Grandberry)

Ash Authoress is an innovative millennial who resides in Memphis, Tennessee. She’s originally from Fayette County, Tennessee, the county to the east of Memphis, where she grew up with her parents and siblings.

Ash is a romance novelist who has penned a romance novel trilogy (Bryce August, the Beginning; Bryce August, Redemption; Bryce August, The Reckoning) that can be found on Amazon.

Ash strives to write content that highlights the beauty of the African-American experience and love stories where black women are loved correctly.

“Struggle Love will not exist in anything that I pen.” -Ash Authoress  

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Purchase the Bryce August Trilogy: A.Grandberry, The Author